Puke In My Shoe

Today has been very eventful. It started early with my Weight Watchers meeting. I'm out of the 240s now! I stuck around afterward to talk to Judy, the leader. I really like her and her meetings. Many, no most, leaders focus a LOT on quibbling over calories. "Oh, look at this great new product! It's made almost completely from petro-chemicals but you can eat the whole boxful!" Once I actually witnessed this huge argument over how many calories are in carrots. Hello?! We are not fat from eating too many carrots!! Anyway, Judy runs the Saturday Sunrise meetings and she takes a much more philosophical approach. She wants to talk about habits and emotions, the "whys" behind bad choices.

So afterward I stay to talk to her about my reluctance to get into the kitchen and prepare healthy foods. After listening to all of my lame excuses, "It's too much work. I don't want to think about food," she says to me, "What about being in the kitchen are you afraid of?" Huh? Afraid? Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with all of these emotions about my history with food, particularly my family members and food. Many of you know that my little sister is bulimic and my parents literally kept locks on the refrigerator and cupboards when I was a teenager. Who me? Issues with food?

I told Judy just that little snippet and she asked, "Where is your sister now?" I kinda looked at the floor and replied, "Uh, she's still bulimic and now she's also a user who can't hold a job." Judy nodded and said, "And you're trying awfully hard to not be like her." Just like that, not a question, a matter of fact statement. Jesus Christ. I started crying. She gave me a hug and said to think about food and family this week.

Well, I didn't have time for that. I had to jump on the freeway for a two hour drive up the coast. My first choir performance was today. It was fantastic. I was jumping and singing and clapping so hard, the shirt under my robe was soaked in sweat. Now my robe I smells funky. :) Then the people who invited us to sing gave us a big potluck dinner. I ate too much. :( Then I had to jump back in the car and drive home to Eugene. I'm so exhausted.

I came right to the computer because I wanted to get that conversation with Judy down before I forgot it. Here's the cherry on top: I've been dealing with post-nasal drip ever since I got sick. It makes me cough pretty hard sometimes. So I'm sitting here at the computer, hacking away, and trying to clear the phlegm from my throat. Suddenly I was gagging and felt that big meal coming up. Not wanting to puke on my laptop, I turned to my right. Unfortunately that's where my shoes were. Ugh. Now there's puke in my left shoe. :)