Thursday, February 3, 2011

Spoke Too Soon

3 days after I wrote that post, I got some very sad news. My favorite uncle had passed away. I happened to be at a brunch when I heard. I was standing in the kitchen next to a giant platter of muffins, scones, cookies, etc. My brain turned off, and I started shoving that stuff into my mouth as fast as I could. I barely even tasted it. In about 90 seconds, I had eaten 2 pounds of white flour, butter, and sugar. I soon felt very sick, and I was still sad. That was awful.

The good news is that I got back on the wagon immediately. I didn't say, "Well, I screwed up this week. Might as well throw in the towel and start fresh next week." I screwed up, but I didn't have to give up. I course-corrected and kept moving forward. And I was still very sad about my uncle, but food doesn't make that sadness go away. I just have to sit with it until I don't feel sad any more. That's life.

I do have to go down to Southern California tomorrow for the funeral. I'll be with the extended family for the whole weekend. I'm very nervous about how I'm going to handle food while I'm there. Everyone is going to be sad, including me. There will be bad food all around. It's going to take massive willpower to say "no." I also worry that people will feel like I'm saying "no" to them. Food is how we show love. When someone gives you food, you're supposed to eat it. If I don't eat the food, I'm rejecting their love. I know it's messed up, but that's the culture of my family. They don't take "no" for an answer.

A couple of friends gave me some good advice on possible ways to say "no" and explanations. Also, I got some practical advice on things to take along on the trip to help me avoid high pressure situations. I'm going to take workout clothes to go for a run at some point. I'm going to hit the grocery store for fruit and nuts to take with me to my cousin's house. I'm going to find a Subway (or something else healthy) and eat a meal before I go to the wake and have to stand around all that food. I'll deal with it by being proactive. At least, that's the plan.

And speaking of going for a run... yesterday I accomplished a major goal of mine. Before I found CrossFit, I was jogging. I entered a couple of 5k races (3.1 miles) and did pretty poorly, 45 minutes or so. It has been my goal to be able to run a 5k in under 40 minutes ever since I joined CF over a year ago. Yesterday, I did it in 39:24! Yay! It felt great!