Of course, that little voice in my head is saying, "Yeah, but you've been here before. You're successful for a little while and then something will derail you." That is true. I have been here before. About a year after my divorce I started Weight Watchers and exercising. But I was still in the middle of fighting with Angus about custody crap and then the bankruptcy process started. I wasn't ready to let go of my coping mechanisms. I was so busy trying to tread water fast enough to survive that there was no energy left over to actually attempt swimming... if that metaphor makes any sense. :)
This time feels different. I was drudging through it last time and resenting it every step of the way. My head is clear this time. I'm not going through any trauma. I have a secure, supportive living situation for me and the kids. I made peace with Angus a long time ago. Just recently, through some IM conversations, I've made peace with Robert as well. I'm in a good place. And I'm not resenting the food changes or exercise. I'm eagerly doing them. I'm proud of myself instead of feeling like it's a punishment. I want to keep these habits up long enough that the next time life throws me drama, and let's face it, drama is inevitable for us all, I will NOT be derailed. That's a feeling I've never had before.