Friday, November 13, 2009

Done With Detox?

I don't want to set myself up for disappointment here, but I think I'm through the worst of this lifestyle change. My mood has been consistently up for over a week. I get out of bed in a good mood, spend my day exercising, taking care of my food choices, and general mental health maintenance stuff like reading, corresponding with friends, and practicing math for the GRE. I'm loving the running challenge and the weight is slowing dropping off. I'm averaging 2 pounds lost per week. Tomorrow marks the end of week 8 and I genuinely feel great.

Of course, that little voice in my head is saying, "Yeah, but you've been here before. You're successful for a little while and then something will derail you." That is true. I have been here before. About a year after my divorce I started Weight Watchers and exercising. But I was still in the middle of fighting with Angus about custody crap and then the bankruptcy process started. I wasn't ready to let go of my coping mechanisms. I was so busy trying to tread water fast enough to survive that there was no energy left over to actually attempt swimming... if that metaphor makes any sense. :)

This time feels different. I was drudging through it last time and resenting it every step of the way. My head is clear this time. I'm not going through any trauma. I have a secure, supportive living situation for me and the kids. I made peace with Angus a long time ago. Just recently, through some IM conversations, I've made peace with Robert as well. I'm in a good place. And I'm not resenting the food changes or exercise. I'm eagerly doing them. I'm proud of myself instead of feeling like it's a punishment. I want to keep these habits up long enough that the next time life throws me drama, and let's face it, drama is inevitable for us all, I will NOT be derailed. That's a feeling I've never had before.

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