Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Pillow Never Dries

Bad night last night; cried myself to sleep again. I have to figure out how to deal with loneliness. It’s crippling me. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here’s the story…

Sunday afternoon I went on a blind date. I am constantly cycling through boys that I meet through personals. I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, except that I want someone my age to hang out with and laugh with. I don’t have any friends my own age here. I go to the movies by myself, watch TV by myself, pretty much do everything by myself, unless I’m with the kids. Anyway, I think that’s why I fell for Robert so hard (who I also met through a personal ad). He made me laugh all the time. We liked the same things, so we just had FUN together. I want someone to have fun with!

So, yeah, Sunday I went out for lunch and a movie with a new guy. I thought we hit it off right away. We both read comic books, so we talked about that for a long time. We both laughed about our love of odd movies. I mocked him for his overuse of his iphone! We had a great time at the movies. (Side note: Zombieland is really funny.) He even kissed me goodbye. It was a chaste peck, but still, right?

I got home and wrote him an email that night saying basically that I really had a great time and I would like to see him again if he was into it. Now, he’s an IT guy. I know, I know. I have the SHITTIEST luck with IT guys. They leave gaping holes in my heart because they’re such immature bastards. (Cory excluded, but he’s gay, so that also screws me!) But, they’re smart, which is a basic requirement, and they laugh at my weird, black humor, which is also pretty mandatory. Anyway, an IT guy is going to check his email, right? Of course! He probably got it on his iphone the minute I hit send.

24-hours later… no response. I guess I just didn’t make a good impression. Or maybe I was too fat for his taste? Or not girly enough? Or who knows? But, seriously, wtf? He was really fun and maybe not THE ONE, but why can’t I find someone who just wants to spend some time with me? So I cried about it. It hurts so badly to be alone. It’s weird, I don’t miss Angus at all. I’m not even sure I miss Robert particularly. But I soooooo miss having someone to talk to as you fall asleep. Or cook with. Or mock Republicans with. What is wrong with me that I can’t have someone special?

So today is Tuesday and I woke up wanting to get this off my chest. And that guy? He emailed me in the middle of the night saying he had a great time too and he’d like to see me again…


  1. Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? It's wicked funny. Anyway, they went through this whole spiel about how guys HAVE to wait 3 days before they call/email/text a girl. One character, Barney, goes through a long list of examples of why this is true, but the final thesis is: guys must wait 3 days, it's what Jesus wanted.

  2. I think they just like creating suspense. They want to think we're sitting at home waiting by the telephone, painting our fingernails as we wait, wait, wait, PRAYING for the phone to ring so we can SNAP it up at the first ring and then try to act nonchalant and pretend we just happened to be passing the phone as we came home from a date with the Other Guy we're seeing. Or some of them want to give us the night to cry our eyes out so we can get it out of our system and cool our heels a little, so we can better focus on how Great they are the next time we see them. It's all a part of the game, kinda like giving the fish a little line so you can better hook him. Or, sometimes it really is about giving a lot of line -- that's part of the head game.

    OK. All that aside, I was thinking about you last night, and how proud I am of everything you're doing right now. This takes great courage. The Universe sent you into the brambles -- and sometimes that's the place to be, but the fact doesn't change the unpleasantness of it. So anyway, it takes courage to put yourself out there, to commit to the life changes that you've set out for yourself. I admire you for it (as if I didn't already admire you just for being you).

    I've not had experience with IT guys, but you've gotta wonder about anyone who is officially and professionally an "It" person :)

  3. Carla, you're funny. IT stands for Information Technology. IT guys work with computers. And I didn't know Jesus doesn't want guys to call for 3 days. That changes everything!

    I love you both! :)

  4. Must watch this:

    I'm not a video sender - so trust me.

  5. That was very funny! But I totally knew that Jesus invented the high-five. I mean, c'mon, who else?