Where To Start?

It's been a tumultuous time here in Jen's world. I have a lot of things going on with my body, relationships, and work. I have many things to process that I need to break up into a few separate posts. I'll tackle the health stuff first because that's the one with the least emotional charge.

So I've been doing Crossfit, which is intense. Today was a fitness challenge test. 150 wall balls for time. Wall balls are really tough for me. You start in a squat position with a medicine ball on your chest. You drive yourself up into a standing position as you drive the ball up with your arms, attempting to hit an X on the wall that is 10 feet above the ground. The challenge is to be the most improved 10 weeks from now. So today I had to do the initial test to set my time to beat. It was brutal. Somewhere around 50, I started crying and pretty much blubbered my way through the rest of the 100. I could only do 4 or 5 at a time and then would have to stop and gasp for oxygen and wipe the tears away so I could see the damn X. It was bad; snot was running out of my nose and everything.

I wasn't really embarrassed because I was doing this in front of the coach. I was more humiliated with myself. I am ashamed that I have let my body get this bad. I am angry that I have never made my own body important. I strive to be the best at everything I do. I hate being 'average' or just 'ok' at something. I want to be outstanding. Why did I never have that kind of drive for taking care of myself? Why was I willing to be asleep at the wheel while I became obese and my cardiovascular system degenerated? I was humiliated alright, not to be crying in front of the coach, but because I had so completely let myself down.

Anyway, I finally finished all 150; it took me 19 minutes. Jeremy clapped me on the back and said, "I'm really proud of you, Jen. I thought you were going to quit." Amazingly, he never let on while I was doing it. He was patient and encouraging. He kept telling me, "You got this," and "Let's do 5 more." If he doubted I would finish, he hid it fabulously well the whole time. Weirdly, I never doubted I would finish. I was miserable and choking on my own facial fluids, but I knew I'd finish eventually. I'm really happy that it didn't take me all day!

Choice Quotes

Two things I heard today:

"You're gonna be a monster lifter, Jen!"

"Your cervix looks lovely."

Becoming An Athlete

Today I started with my new fitness coach at Eugene Crossfit. The plan is to work with him 3-4 times a week. I am officially in training for the Eugene Half-Marathon in May, which is 13.1 miles. We worked on shoulders today with shoulder presses, pull-ups and push-ups. Plus, there were a lot of squats thrown in for good measure. I'm going to an early morning class, 7 am, so it's just me and a couple others. It's cool to get that much individual attention and also the tight camaraderie was almost instantaneous.

Today I also started on my checklist for the grad school application. I think there should be a degree given for anyone who can successfully jump through all the hoops required just to GET IN. :)

2010: Bring It!

2009 sucked. Seriously, it was second in crappiness only to the year of the divorce/bankruptcy fiasco. I'm so optimistic and excited for 2010! It's such a relief to have the anvil of depression that has been pressing on my chest gone (or at least significantly shrunken.) I can breathe.

I stayed up late with the guys on New Year's Eve. We went up to the roof and watched the fireworks over the city! Then early the next morning I dragged myself out of bed and drove down to Palo Alto for a 5k race. It felt really good to make that choice on the first day of the year. I did pretty good too. I ran for more of it than last time, less walking, and I knocked a whole 59 seconds off of my personal record! :)

Day 2 San Francisco

Cory's off with Adam and work, so I have the apartment to myself. This morning I walked to a corner grocer for a banana and chocolate soy milk. Later, I used Cory's block as a stair-master. His street inclines at a 45 degree angle and it's about 1/8 of a mile long. I put on my iPod and climbed the whole block 5 times. It took 20 minutes and I was dripping in sweat! Then I had a nice long shower and set out to explore.

I took the subway to the Civic Center figuring I could find something to eat near the theater. When I emerged from underground I was smack in the middle of a farmer's market in UN Square. I had fresh tamales for lunch. Mmmm. Then I wandered through the vendors killing time before the show.

Finally, it was time to see "Wicked." It's being staged in a great, beautiful, texturally-rich theater named The Orpheum. The show was amaztastic and fantagasming! Incredible music and costumes and sets and lights and on and on and on. If you're a fan of musicals, this one is NOT to be missed! You'll never watch "The Wizard of Oz" the same way again. :)

First Night in the Big City

Visiting Cory is always an adventure. I rolled into the Castro about 7 pm and was informed that we had dinner plans at 8. I can't recommend the Velvet Cantina in the Mission District enough. I met a guy who runs a non-profit that throws parties for charity. I met a guy who did the interior design for George Lucas' house. I met a guy who always wears gloves because he has a phobia of people touching his hands. And this was just the first 3 hours of my stay.

2010

I don't put much stock in astrology, but I happen to like the guy who is in our weekly alternative paper. His horoscopes are always humorous, challenge me to try new thoughts on for size, and include homework. You can check him out at Free Will Astrology.

I want to share a recent horoscope of mine:

"I hope you will get more sleep in 2010. And eat better food, too. And embark on some regimen like meditation that will reduce your stress levels. In general, Sagittarius, I hope you will learn a lot more about what makes your body function at optimum levels, and I hope you will diligently apply what you learn. That doesn't mean that I think you should be an obsequiously well-behaved pillar of the community. On the contrary, what I'm envisioning is that by taking better care of yourself you will make yourself strong enough to run wilder and freer."

Indeed. Onward into 2010!