Monday, February 1, 2010


I am stewing in my own impatience. Today was the due date for the doctorate program application. I'm not completely satisfied with the essay I wrote or the statement of purpose for that matter. They seem so mediocre. I have a sinking feeling that I might be out of my league in attempting to get into this program. It's a waiting game now.

As for the diet changes... it's been a struggle lately. The night I was trying to finish my essay, I was feeling particularly stressed and gorged on chocolate-chip cookies and ice cream. I'm craving starchy comfort foods like the junkie that I am. I'm discouraged that the good habits are not becoming any easier. I feel angry that I'm still forcing myself to eat veggies and feeling constantly deprived. Will I feel like this for the rest of my life?

The exercise is the only component that is going well. I've made real, measurable strides with Crossfit, and I'm feeling very proud of that. Then I turn around and beat myself up because I'm not losing weight fast enough. It's taking so freakin' long! At the rate I'm going it will take me a year and half to reach my goal. I've already been at it for 5 months! Is this really a 2 year process?

And then for whatever hormonal/seasonal/astrological reason, I'm really feeling the painful pinching in my chest due to being single. Everyone around me is in great, fulfilling partnerships. Why doesn't anybody want to be with me?

Blah, blah, blah. Trying to win the feeling sorry for myself championships, I guess.

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